Likes:
Going beserk, gross generalisations, lies of no consequence, taking things too far, crossing the line, lager, hiding, Basil Brush, cheese (especially extra mature cheddar), Stewart Copeland's drumming on Message in a Bottle, sitting down, running amok, cake (except battenberg), programmes with john nettles in, cheesy theme-tunes to 60s and 70s TV shows like The Prisoner, dunking biscuits in my tea, Bob Dylan, unnecessarily vague or precise amounts or measurements, doing it on roundabouts, using the word "optimistic" euphemistically, meeting people who remember "Pacers", the (often late) addition of the words "quite frankly" to a (spoken) statement, girls (they have tits AND a vagina - and some of them even have a car), long motorbike rides on summer evenings, walking around whilst cleaning my teeth, jumping the last few steps, Neil Young, drinking milk straight from the bottle or carton, running like an aeroplane, friends being pleased to see me, inappropriate or disproportionate reactions, sitting down with one arm in the air, getting undressed on the toilet, five pound notes, brussels sprouts, predictable percussion, factually incorrect insults, being in love, the complacency of starting a new kitchen roll, opening the fridge and unexpectedly finding cold sausages, drew barrymore's hair in the wedding singer, skipping down gangplanks, margot leadbetter, mick jagger's backing vocals on your so vain, turning the plate round before tucking into the second half of a sandwich.
Dislikes:
Battenberg cake, clowns, platitudes, pandas, protesters, do-gooders, scum, inappropriate or unecessary clapping, shoes off policies (what if someone steals them?), toothepaste stains on the carpet, trains, squirrels, being too hot, when people say "yeah, I know" when they clearly don't, shouting, last orders, over-use of exclamation marks, self-defeatist concepts, beetroot, people who don't understand the concept of not taking sides in a situation, brown bread, bits of biscuit in my tea, washing up cutlery, going to bed, getting up, skateboarders, unnecessay use of knives with serated edges (save them for the tomatoes god damn it), uncertainty (for example the uncertainly of whether a word or phrase is hyphenated or not), films with whoopi goldberg in, thin bacon that shrivles up, being given a really tatty five pound note for change, corporate complacency, good looking people with a smug look on their face, gay pride, cheats and liers, being in love, making rolls upside down, catchphrases (moreover, their constant repetition by people who think it's funny), drew barrymore's shoes in the wedding singer, when the consensus goes against ordering starters. |
